I stand here and stare at my body, bikini clad, tanned, some toned, but other parts squishy.

I stare at a photo of myself from 4 years ago, on a beach, arms around friends, bikini class, tanned and thin.

I look so different than the woman that stands here right now. Not better or worse, just different.

I think back on how happy I looked, but I wasn’t happier or sadder then, just happy about different things.

I think back on the stress and worry then, not more or less than I have now, just different stressors.

I think it is easy for me to look back and think my best has already happened, the best relationship I’ll ever have, the most fun I’ll ever have, the best body I’ll ever have. These sort of ideas are unfair and not true. Because there is no such thing as the best, the best doesn’t exist. Different exists.

As I stand and stare at my bikini clad body I see hips that weren’t there 4 years ago, thighs extremely bigger than my high school days, a more rounded face, and a few more wrinkles. I can’t help but think, I’m completely different than I was 4 years ago. My body is completely different and that is cool. I am completely different and that is awesome.

I can’t help but wonder what sort of different will I be next. I guess time will tell.